Fancied doing a completely different song style for a change lol and what better way than Errrnnniiieeeeee!!ERNIE (THE FASTEST MILKMAN IN THE WEST)\n(Benny Hill)\nBenny Hill - 1971\n\n\nYou could hear the hoof beats pound as they raced across the ground,\nAnd the clatter of the wheels as they spun \'round and \'round.\nAnd he galloped into market street, his badge upon his chest,\nHis name was Ernie, and he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.\n\nNow Ernie loved a widow, a lady known as Sue,\nShe lived all alone in Liddley Lane at number 22.\nThey said she was too good for him, she was haughty, proud and chic,\nBut Ernie got his cocoa there three times every week.\n\nThey called him Ernie, (Ernieeeeeeeeeee)And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.\n\nShe said she\'d like to bathe in milk, he said, \"All right, sweetheart,\"\nAnd when he\'d finished work one night he loaded up his cart.\nHe said, \"D\'you want it pasturize? \'Cause pasturize is best,\"\nShe says, \"Ernie, I\'ll be happy if it comes up to my chest.\"\n\nThat tickled old Ernie, (Ernieeeeeeeeeee) \nAnd he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.\n\nNow Ernie had a rival, an evil-looking man,\nCalled Two-Ton Ted from Teddington and he drove the baker\'s van.\nHe tempted her with his treacle tarts and his tasty wholemeal bread,\nAnd when she seen the size of his hot meat pies it very near turned her head.\n\nShe nearly swooned at his macaroon and he said, \"If you treat me right,\nYou\'ll have hot rolls every morning and crumpets every night.\"\nHe knew once she sampled his layer cake he\'d have his wicked way,\nAnd all Ernie had to offer was a pint of milk a day.\n\nPoor Ernie, (Ernieeeeeeeeeee)\nAnd he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.\n\nOne lunch time Ted saw Ernie\'s horse and cart outside her door,\nIt drove him mad to find it was still there at half past four.\nAnd as he lept down from his van hot blood through his veins did course,\nAnd he went across to Ernie\'s cart and didn\'t half kick his \'orse.\n\nWhose name was Trigger, (Triggerrrrrrrr)\nAnd he pulled the fastest milk cart in the west.\n\nNow Ernie rushed out into the street, his gold top in his hand,\nHe said, \"If you wanna marry Susie you\'ll fight for her like a man.\"\n\"Oh why don\'t we play cards for her?\" he sneeringly replied,\n\"And just to make it interesting we\'ll have a shilling on the side.\"\n\nNow Ernie dragged him from his van and beneath the blazing sun,\nThey stood there face to face, and Ted went for his bun.\nBut Ernie was too quick, things didn\'t go the way Ted planned,\nAnda strawberry-flavoured yogurt sent it spinning from his hand.\n\nNow Susie ran between them and tried to keep them apart,And Ernie, he pushed her aside and a rock cake caught him underneath his heart.And he looked up in pained surprise and the concrete hardened crust,Of a stale pork pie caught him in the eye and Ernie bit the dust.Poor Ernie, (Ernieeeeeeeeeee)\nAnd he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.\n\nErnie was only 52, he didn\'t wanna die,\nAnd now he\'s gone to make deliveries in that milk round in the sky.\nWhere the customers are angels and ferocious dogs are banned,\nAnd the milkman\'s life is full of fun in that fairy, dairy land.\n\nBut a woman\'s needs are many fold and soon she married Ted,\nBut strange things happened on their wedding night as they lay in their bed.\nWas that the trees a-rustling? Or the hinges of the gate?\nOr Ernie\'s ghostly gold tops a-rattling in their crate?\n\nThey won\'t forget Ernie, (Ernieeeeeeeeee)\nAnd he drove the fastest milk cart in the west. Benny, Ernie, Hill